When I am Weak

If there is no struggle, there is no progress.  -Frederick Douglas

My son called this morning.  He was struggling.  He and I probed and wrestled with the issue.  Ever so gently, God, I think, led me to understand.  Some of the roots of his struggle stem from mistakes his father and I made when he was growing up.  At times Ethan* was too harsh, correcting his son out of his own rage.  I was too weak to stand up and make it stop.  Other times, I did harm directly.  I dealt with Cal's* normal teenage boy struggles out of my own pain instead of out of God's grace.  This morning I asked for his forgiveness with tears streaming down my face.  I am deeply sorry for my part in his pain.

Cal feels like he has to be perfect.  Intellectually he knows better, but to him, it feels like struggling equals being a failure.  This of course, is a lie from the pit.

I, on the other hand, do not really struggle with perfectionism.  In fact, just a dash more perfectionism in my personality might be healthy.  There is only one arena, where I always wanted to be, strove to be, thought I was, nearly perfect.  Parenting.

Now I see with razor sharp clarity that my parenting is far from perfect.  I am even a source of insecurities that continue to plague my son.  Even in my one area of strength, I am deeply flawed and weak.  My pride is wounded.  In fact, I have to acknowledge that I have no cause for pride at all.  

This morning I reminded Cal that it is good to reach higher, to stretch beyond the things we could easily grasp, even if this means that we struggle.  The struggle is a positive part of the process.  I want him to treat himself with grace.  That mini sermon is from God to me, too.

I must also receive God's forgiveness, and forgive myself for my failure.  I am so, so glad that God is bigger than my struggle.  He is big enough to take my sin and my failures on himself.  He has forgiven me.  He has even gone beyond forgiveness.  He has taken what was evil, what the evil one wanted to use to wreak havoc, and used it for good.  Right now, today, he is using it to strengthen.

I find it comforting that the apostle Paul went before me in struggling with weakness.  Maybe in Paul's case the weakness was a physical one rather than a failure, but the principle is the same.  God's power is made perfect in weakness.  He can use even "a messenger of Satan" for His good purpose.

...a thorn was given to me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to keep me from becoming conceited.  Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me.  But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.  2 Corinthians 12:9  

So, I will confess my sins, acknowledge my failures, accept forgiveness, and learn to be content with weakness.  I will even join Paul and boast of my weaknesses.  "For when I am weak, then I am strong."

The struggle is a positive part of the process.

*Names have been changed to protect both the innocent and the guilty.