Tales of the Restoration Part V: Enemy Tactics

Predictable Tactics
The enemy uses predictable tactics against most people who have been wounded by the unfaithfulness of a husband or wife.

If-Onlys
Unwelcome thoughts scream for attention inside a betrayed spouse's head. She wonders what she could have done to prevent her partner's infidelity. The "if onlys" camp on her front lawn and ring her doorbell constantly. "If only I was younger and prettier... if only I was a more interesting person...if only I weighed 10 pounds less...if only I was stronger..." These if-onlys are lies, a scheme of the evil one.


Last week I wrote that I had to learn to see my own sinfulness from God's perspective. I was not talking about opening the door to these insidious if-onlys. Saying that I had to admit to being a sinner in need of grace, may sound like I blame myself for the adultery that eventually ended our marriage.  That is not my intention.

A Second Favorite Tactic
A second favorite tactic of the evil one is to entice a person to see herself as a victim. Without intervention, victims become entrenched in their own helplessness, imprisoned by bitterness at the person who wounded them. Being willing to see herself as a co-recipient of God's grace, is a necessary step toward freedom from the chains of bitterness.

For me, seeing my own sinfulness, even though I have always excelled at being a good girl, was an important step toward freedom.

Admitting that I am a sinful person did not relieve my ex-husband of responsibility. It did not mean that his choices were my fault.  Instead, confessing my own need for forgiveness freed me from one of the traps set for me.

Tales of the Restoration Part IV: Spiritual Far-sightedness

Spiritual Far-sightedness
For many years I was relationally far-sighted.  I could see other people and their flaws and sins clearly, but I had a much more difficult time seeing myself.  This became obvious during the time my first marriage was disintegrating.

My then husband (I will call him E) had been unfaithful, and my world was crumbling around me.

I had a wonderful mentor who walked very closely with me during that time. She is a beautiful older woman. She has chocolate brown eyes that reflect the fathomless depth of a beautiful soul. She wept with me. She listened to me.  She loved me. Most important of all, she stubbornly refused to allow me to stay on the path I was on.

Speeding Toward Bitterness
I was speeding toward intense bitterness. From my point of view I was the of victim of my husband's gross infidelity. The way I saw things, I was innocent and he was guilty.  It sounded reasonable enough to me, but staying on that course would have led me to ruin. My mentor saw where I was headed and refused to allow it. For hours each week we would sit together.  I would pour out my heart and she would listen. Then gently, but with supernatural precision, she would catch me in my pride. "Do you see how arrogant that point of view is?" she would ask. She had to stay after me for ages before I could see my own sinfulness. 

I will always be grateful to her.  If it weren't for her relentless intervention I would have become a very ugly person.

Nehemiah's Confession
Nehemiah must have been faced with a similar temptation. After all, he was too young to have been responsible for the sin that led to the nation's captivity in Babylon. He was not among the first exiles to return to the land with the priest Ezra either.

In prayer, Nehemiah first reminded himself that God was big enough to handle the job of rebuilding and rescuing the nation from their current crisis, and that God loves them and keeps His promises, and that He is listening.

Then, right away Nehemiah began confessing. He confessed his own sins, but he didn't stop there. He also confessed his family's sins. Then, he confessed the nation's sins. He looked at himself, his family, and his people from God's point of view and specifically listed the ways they had fallen short.

Restoration Begins with Confession
In a time of suffering, particularly if that suffering is caused by the betrayal by someone you love, it is very tempting to become spiritually far sighted. You see the sin of the betrayer, but none of your own.  No rebuilding project can be successful if it is undertaken by people suffering from this kind of blindness.

During the beginning of my marriage crisis, and for many years after, I prayed fervently for God to restore our marriage.  God was unbelievably tender and present to me during those times of prayer. He spoke to me, sometimes dramatically, in ways I could hear and understand. He repeatedly reframed the discussion. Every time I prayed for him to break down strongholds of evil in someone else's life he would reveal a stronghold in my own life instead. Every time I prayed for change, He would gradually change me before eventually changing my circumstances.

God had to restore my vision before he would restore my life. I will always be thankful that he did.