Tales of the Restoration Part X: Power and Promise for Rebuilding

No matter how badly your life needs rebuilding, you have a God who has both the resources and the commitment to take the rubble and use it to build something truly beautiful. 


Some time back, as I was praying about the restoration of broken people, broken families, and broken lives, my own included, I noticed startling similarities between the way Nehemiah begins his prayer in Nehemiah 1:5-11 and the way the apostle Peter, centuries later, begins his book 2 Peter 1:3 -4.
Both begin by reminding us of God's power. Compare "Oh Lord God of heaven, the great and awesome God..." in Nehemiah, with "His divine power...his own glory and goodness." in 2 Peter.

Both Nehemiah and Peter move on to remember the way God treats us:

Nehemiah: "who keeps covenant an steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments."

2 Peter: "(he) has given us everything needed for life and godliness through the knowledge of him who called us...his precious and very great promises.

So, taking our cues from both Nehemiah and Peter, one key to rebuilding in life is knowledge of God. Start by acknowledging who he is.

I recommend reading this list from the two passages very slowly. Pause after each word. Think about it, create a mental picture, connect it to something tangible.

Start with power. What is the most powerful thing you can think of? A hurricane? A tidal wave? gravity? God is far more powerful. Now take your time as you move through the rest of the list. 

• power
• glory
• goodness
• great
• awesome

Now, that you have an inkling of how really big God is, continue by slowly focusing on how he relates to us.

• calling
• keeping covenant/promises
• steadfast love
• giving everything needed for life

Now take a deep breath and relax. You are in good hands.

Tales of the Restoration: Burned Gates (continued)

Nehemiah 1:3 The remnant there...is in great trouble and shame. The wall of Jerusalem is broken down, and its gates are destroyed by fire.

The Rubble
Years after their parents' divorce, my stepkids still have broken down walls and burned gates. Pain and confusion keeps their gates barred with rubble. Loyalty to their mother keeps them closed to me as their stepmom. Often they are also closed to even their dad.

I could definitely be wrong, but my guess is it has to do with their perception that loyalty to their mom means they must love her exclusively. If they open up to me, she will not be OK. In their minds, they have to take care of her. She seems vulnerable. This defense of her means that the rebuilding of healthy gates has not happened quickly in the relationship with me.

The View from the Other Side of the Gate
I am also in the other position, that of being the mother of kids who have a stepmom. When my wuzband (isn't that a great word for the-man-who-was-once-my-husband? I found it in Readers Digest.) first remarried, it was very hard for me to think of my precious children developing a relationship with their new stepmom. I felt threatened and fearful that she might replace me in their hearts. When I get angry at my stepkids' mom, I try to force myself to remember how difficult it once was for me to be in her position, to share my kids. Over the years, I learned that even a good stepmom-stepkid relationship is not the same as a mother-child relationship. There is room in my kids' hearts for both of us.

Knocking on the Gates
A few days ago, I visited the school where I taught for many years. A number of kids ran up and gave me suffocating bear hugs. Their gates were open to me.
I long for that same spontaneous affection and openness to me, from my stepkids. Even though we have been a family for over 2 years, it has not happened. While I wait and maintain hope for the gates to open a smidgen,  my challenge is to keep my own gates well oiled and in working order. It isn't always easy.

Tales of the Restoration Part VII: Burned Gates

Nehemiah 1:3 The remnant there...is in great trouble and shame. The wall of Jerusalem is broken down, and its gates are destroyed by fire.

Photo from http://www.biblewalks.com/Photos4/ZionGate4.JPG

Walls and Gates
City walls bar entry to enemies who seek to destroy. Gates control access so that people who seek to enter for good may come in. A restored, healthy person must have both strong walls and working gates.

The Siege
The siege  and destruction of a family not only destroys walls, it also burns the gates. Until their walls and gates are restored, people who have been hurt have burned gates are blocked with mounds of rubble. After a divorce, parents and children alike often have heart-gate issues.

Burned Gates
You can recognize a person with burned gates. They are angry. Depending on personality, the anger may simmer underneath the exterior. It may be painted to make it look like something besides anger, or it may be explosive and obvious. No matter what it looks like, the anger is shouting "This gate is closed! Keep out!"

Restoration means not only rebuilding healthy boundaries, "walls", but also rebuilding the gates so that good can enter your life again.

More on burned gates later...

Tales of the Restoration Part IV: Spiritual Far-sightedness

Spiritual Far-sightedness
For many years I was relationally far-sighted.  I could see other people and their flaws and sins clearly, but I had a much more difficult time seeing myself.  This became obvious during the time my first marriage was disintegrating.

My then husband (I will call him E) had been unfaithful, and my world was crumbling around me.

I had a wonderful mentor who walked very closely with me during that time. She is a beautiful older woman. She has chocolate brown eyes that reflect the fathomless depth of a beautiful soul. She wept with me. She listened to me.  She loved me. Most important of all, she stubbornly refused to allow me to stay on the path I was on.

Speeding Toward Bitterness
I was speeding toward intense bitterness. From my point of view I was the of victim of my husband's gross infidelity. The way I saw things, I was innocent and he was guilty.  It sounded reasonable enough to me, but staying on that course would have led me to ruin. My mentor saw where I was headed and refused to allow it. For hours each week we would sit together.  I would pour out my heart and she would listen. Then gently, but with supernatural precision, she would catch me in my pride. "Do you see how arrogant that point of view is?" she would ask. She had to stay after me for ages before I could see my own sinfulness. 

I will always be grateful to her.  If it weren't for her relentless intervention I would have become a very ugly person.

Nehemiah's Confession
Nehemiah must have been faced with a similar temptation. After all, he was too young to have been responsible for the sin that led to the nation's captivity in Babylon. He was not among the first exiles to return to the land with the priest Ezra either.

In prayer, Nehemiah first reminded himself that God was big enough to handle the job of rebuilding and rescuing the nation from their current crisis, and that God loves them and keeps His promises, and that He is listening.

Then, right away Nehemiah began confessing. He confessed his own sins, but he didn't stop there. He also confessed his family's sins. Then, he confessed the nation's sins. He looked at himself, his family, and his people from God's point of view and specifically listed the ways they had fallen short.

Restoration Begins with Confession
In a time of suffering, particularly if that suffering is caused by the betrayal by someone you love, it is very tempting to become spiritually far sighted. You see the sin of the betrayer, but none of your own.  No rebuilding project can be successful if it is undertaken by people suffering from this kind of blindness.

During the beginning of my marriage crisis, and for many years after, I prayed fervently for God to restore our marriage.  God was unbelievably tender and present to me during those times of prayer. He spoke to me, sometimes dramatically, in ways I could hear and understand. He repeatedly reframed the discussion. Every time I prayed for him to break down strongholds of evil in someone else's life he would reveal a stronghold in my own life instead. Every time I prayed for change, He would gradually change me before eventually changing my circumstances.

God had to restore my vision before he would restore my life. I will always be thankful that he did. 

Tales of the Restoration Part III: How to Avoid Handyman Syndrome

I am part of the microwave generation. I am not very patient. When I am hungry, I want my meals hot, tasty and now. When I am hit with a problem, I want it banished immediately. I don't usually panic. Rather, I scheme. When a relational crisis erupts, I leap into handyman mode. I analyze the problem and how it can be fixed quickly. I grab whatever tools are within my grasp and begin banging around with my wrench and duct tape. There are many flaws in this approach. I am sloppy. I have no idea what I am doing. And, I serve as my own strategist, army, and clean up crew. I act like I am on my own. 

The master of the universe loves me. He is listens to me and yet, I act like I have to do it myself?  This is silly.  It is more than silly.  It is stupid. 

I need to react more like a body reacts. When I stub my toe, does it immediately run off by itself for a splint and some ibuprofen? No, of course not! How would a disembodied toe take pain medication? It sends a distress signal to the head in the form of pain. I guess pain is a form of prayer, a cry for help.  

I Corinthians 12 compares Christians to a body. Christ is the head and each of us is a small but vital part of the body. When crisis hits, the best thing to do is to slow down, remember that I am connected to the rest of the body, and send a pain signal to the head. The thing to do is pray.  

Nehemiah was hit with a crisis. Instead of leaping into action, he leaped into intense prayer. He prayed for four months. He didn't do anything to fix the crisis in all that time. He didn't even allow himself to look sad at work. 

The bigger the crisis, the more I need to resist the urge to scheme. Instead, I need to throw my energy into praying and waiting. Often I need to pray and refrain from all forms of the handyman syndrome. I might be called to do nothing at all, except pray for months. In the process, I remember that I am not alone. I am not created to be Atlas, trying to hold the world on my shoulders. Praying reminds me that it is God, and not me, who holds all things together.