A dark cloud of despondency lingered over our house for a day or two this week. Most of the members of my family were feeling a little blue. To be honest, some of us were feeling more deep indigo blue than lightly sky blue. I am not completely sure if the mood was an after effect of eating too many rich and sugary foods and exercising too little, or if it came from something deeper. Probably it was a combination of things, the ways the holidays touch old hurts caused by the destruction of two families, and the ways those holidays reveal that our blending family is not yet one whole instead of pieces of two in one household.
On blue days I am tempted to sink in a mire of self pity and "if-onlys". I reason that the presence of disappointments and longings in my soul means that I must find a solution. Fix things. I must find that one piece to the puzzle that would make my life complete. This is a lie, and I have to recognize the evil voice that whispers it in my ear.
The truth is, every human being carries disappointments and unmet longings. I think God lets this happen for a purpose. He knows that if we were able to find deep and lasting satisfaction from our possessions, our pursuits, or our relationships, we would not be driven to the only thing that ultimately matters. Our disappointments actually give us the most precious gift.
John Eldredge says it this way: "Everyone has a cross to bear. Everyone. It serves to remind us every day that we cannot make life work the way we want. We can't arrive. Not completely. Not yet. If we'll let it, the disappointment can be God's way of continually drawing us back to himself. I know that I face a choice. I can feel it down inside, and I watch it take place in my heart. I can let my disappointments define my life. Or I can let them take me back to God, to find my life in him in ways I have not yet learned. The rest remains a mystery. But this is enough to know."
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