Tales of the Restoration: The Day My Restoration Began

In my last blog I recommended remembering who God is, and what he has promised, as a foundational step for rebuilding a broken life.

I want to illustrate with just one example from my own life. It was an encounter with God so powerful and so private, that I don't believe I have ever shared it before. I hesitate to share it even now because the impact of this encounter with God and the power of His words to me has never diminished.

I choose to share it even though I feel a bit shaky about it, because I hope that God is going to direct these words to a reader who needs them. I hope that hearing about what God did for me, will awaken a desire in you for an equally powerful, though uniquely designed for you, encounter with the God who loves you.

Years ago, I was devastated after my husband sought solace in other arms. I felt abandoned, unloved, unlovely, utterly alone, and tremendously afraid. One day, when my heart felt like lead and my eyes were so swollen and red from crying that I could hardly see, I pulled out my Bible, looking for comfort, not sure where to turn.

My eyes fell on the following words in Isaiah 54:6, "For the Lord has called you like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit, like a wife of youth when she is cast off" says your God.

That's me! I thought. I am a wife of youth. I am a wife deserted and grieved in spirit.

My eyes scanned up a few verses to get the context. Verse 4 says:
"Fear not, for you will not be ashamed; be not confounded, for you will forget the shame of your youth, and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more. For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called."

My eyes then fell on Isaiah 62:2-4, another passage I didn't remember ever reading before. "You shall be called by a new name that the mouth of the Lord will give. You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord...You shall no more be termed Forsaken...but you shall be called My Delight Is in Her...for the Lord delights in you."

I felt chills run up and down my body. Every word seemed to have been whispered quietly, tenderly, intimately, from God's mouth to my ear. I was fearful, ashamed, and confounded. Here, in words that directly related to my situation, God was tenderly applying His healing touch to the my most deeply wounded places.

Then I stopped. Could it be possible? Could God mean these words for me, even thought they were originally written thousands of years ago in a very different context? The words "husband" and "wife" were meant metaphorically to refer to God and his people. Could it be possible that He really meant them for me as well?

I ached and yearned for it to be true, but precisely because I needed God's intimate reassurance so much, I doubted it.

Then I was reminded of truths I had learned over the years;  God was silencing the voice of the Deceiver in my head. The Jews were God's people. He was their God. Based on New Testament teachings God has called his church, including gentiles, into close relationship with him. In John 17 he said that he no longer called his disciples servants, but instead he called them friends. He even uses the terms "bride" and "bridegroom" to describe his relationship with us, his people.

I stopped to absorb the impact of this reality. I chewed and swallowed it, and let it become part of me as nourishing food becomes part of me.

I was not meant to be defined from that low point forward as an abandoned wife. I was meant to be defined as beloved by God himself. God himself delights in me!

While I would not recommend a steady diet limited to this random Bible study method, I still believe that God was speaking directly to me that day. He was tenderly speaking the truth to me in a words that were so clear that I could hear and understand them even in my broken down state. He was taking the damage done by my abandonment and using it to redefine me, to rename me.

Over the years, those words from the Lord have not only sustained me, they have transformed me into a different person. My identity comes from a God who meets the aching need of my female soul by reassuring me that I am beautiful, delightful, and loved no matter what messages to the contrary I may be getting from the harsh desert environment of this world.

My prayer for you, dear reader, is that the God who loves you will speak to you in ways specifically chosen so that you can hear His voice clearly.  I pray that you will know who He is, and what He has promised you.

More About the Crazy Woman in My Shoes

A few days ago I wrote about the fact that I massively overreacted to my husband and step daughter last weekend.  I was mystified by my own reactions.  These days when I confuse myself I always blame my hormones.  Hormones truly could be playing a part in it, but I think there might be something more here that warrants a closer look. My over-the-top feelings of anger and hopelessness could be symptoms of something in me that needs to be addressed. This morning I read something about this topic in the book Walking with God by John Eldredge. If the book wasn't copyrighted in 2008, I would have thought John wrote them directly to me.

When you see in others-or find in yourself-reactions and responses that seem way out of proportion, that's a clue that something else is going on. Other things are at play.  We usually just write such reactions off to immaturity, when in fact God may be using them to surface deeper issues so that we can deal with them.  Or the enemy may be up to something.  Quite often, both are going on. But what usually happens is that we're embarrassed by our overreaction, and we do what we can to quickly get past it.

I still don't understand what deeper issues God is addressing in me or if my reactions are a form of spiritual attack.  I am praying and asking others who pray for me to pray that I will be able to hear what God has to tell me about this.