Friendly Fire

I totally blew it last weekend.

A little background is in order. I used to be an exceptionally steady person, steady to a fault.  I almost never got angry and think I can truthfully say that for years I never reacted outwardly in anger. It wasn't really a healthy way to be, but that is another story.

So, I was shocked by the appearance of the crazed woman standing in my shoes over the weekend. I inwardly fumed at my husband. I exploded at my stepdaughter when she made a small and predictable mistake.  I may have set my hard earned better relationship with her back by many months.
How did I become this irrational maniac who makes no sense even to myself?  Can I blame it on hormones?

Whatever the cause, I ended up deeply discouraged. I felt like an injured soldier who reacted by firing a wild shot, wounding someone in my own regiment. I wanted to dessert.  I wanted to run from the front lines of the battle and hide.

I am not sure how I became a soldier in the first place. I hate conflict. I am afraid of it. I am afraid that conflict will destroy my most precious relationships.  It takes me a long time to recover from an argument. My husband, often the much needed voice of reason in my life, tells me that I have this all wrong.  He says that conflict gives us a chance to confront our weaknesses. He says that we emerge from these conflicts better than we were before because we have identified and addressed problems. I have a lot to learn from him.

Anyway, like it or not, I am in a battle. I have a real enemy who is seeking to destroy me and the people I love. Fortunately, none of us is alone in this.  We have a God who is high and powerful but, not far away.

I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite.       Isaiah 57:15  

God himself came down to be with me in this low place.  Just listen to what that word "revive" means.  It means to give life, nourish, recover, repair, restore. He knows that I feel beat down and depressed.  He is here to in the trenches to help me become whole. Maybe I can get up and jump back into the fray after all.

My husband is right again.  Conflict can make us stronger.